The thing about Enjolras
by Zeldaisawesome123
Summary: He honestly didn't know what to do. He told everyone that France was his only love, but he knew that that wasn't true. But could he trust Grantaire with the real reason why he doesn't get romantically involved with other people?
1. Chapter 1

so, here is another story idea I had. I may or may not continue it, but I find it really hard to keep my stories updated so I'm sorry if I disappoint any of you! :)

"This is it! This is our chance! On Lemarque's funeral day we will start the revolution!"

Cheers and shouts rang around the ABC Cafe. This was an opportunity that they had been waiting for for a long time. Months they had spent getting supplies so they could fight back. They were now fully prepared and ready at any moment. They just needed the right opportunity.

"I advise you to all get a good night's sleep, my friends. Tomorrow will be a busy day for us. We will rise and fight for those who have been oppressed all these years and we will make this country great again!"

Everyone toasted to the revolution. Grantaire joined in, even though he wasn't there for the same reason. He liked to pretend he was, but inside he knew he was only there for him. Enjolras. The man he loved. But he knew those feelings would never be returned to him. He loved Enjolras more than he did anyone else. He had tried relationships with women before, but he just didn't feel the same around them. Enjolras would never love anyone back, especially not him. He was a man, and even if they were in love with each other, it was forbidden. Although revolting against the government is treason so either way there would be trouble. Grantaire decided tonight would be the night. He would let Enjolras know about how he felt. Tomorrow they could both very well be dead, and he may spend the rest of his after life regretting not telling Enjolras how he felt about him. He didn't know if the wine was going to his brain or if it was the thought of death tomorrow, but as soon as he saw Enjolras getting ready to leave he ran over to him.

"Grantaire put that bottle down! I don't need any hungover people tomorrow! I need everyone to be as sober as possible!"

Grantaire started panicking; he didn't really know what to say now he was here, but he still wanted to talk. He started swaying as his head started getting lighter. His skin turned pale and he could feel the bile rising up in his throat. "I'm gonna be..."

Enjolras was quick to move. He grabbed a bucket and held it so all the vomit landed inside it. Grantaire mumbled a thanks. His heart rate was beating so fast it felt like it was going to aggressively burst through his chest. "Oh dear, I think you've had enough to drink. I'm walking you home."

On any other day, Grantaire would have protested and would have stayed for another drink, but this would be the last time he an Enjolras would be able to have a talk alone until they'd won. He allowed Enjolras to put an arm around him to support him and escort him out of the cafe. Grantaire was focused on walking and how he should start up the conversation now. He was so scared to bring it up that he didn't realize him and Enjolras walked to his home in silence.

"This is yours, isn't it? Will you be okay?"

"I think so, the sickness has worn off a little now."

"Get some sleep Grantaire." Enjolras commanded, but he had a soft smile on his face that melted Grantaire's heart. Which reminded him..

"Enjolras, please...ermm..."

Enjolras was slightly confused with what was going on now. Was Grantaire really fine? He still looked very pale. Maybe it might be best if he didn't join them on the first day and he joined the revolution at a later date. Enjolras was about to suggest this when Grantaire said, "can you stay with me tonight? I don't want to be alone, you know, incase I choke on my own vomit..."

Enjolras chuckled slightly, "Oh Grantaire, if you would feel better I will."

Grantaire felt nervous. He had to say something tonight. He knew what would calm his nerves. He went straight to the wine cupboard before Enjolras grabbed his wrist.

"Oh no, I'm taking you straight to bed. You've had enough wine for now."

Enjolras half carried him up the stairs and into his room. He laid him down on the bed and pulled the covers over him.

"Do you have any spare pillows and a blanket? I'll just sleep on the floor next to you."

"Wait! Enjolras! We need to talk!"

Enjolras paused like he was shocked. Grantaire had barely talked since leaving the cafe and now he said he wanted to talk. Something was wrong with him. "Grantaire are you okay?"

Enjolras walked over to the bed and sat on the edge. Grantaire sat up and looked him in the eyes. They were filled with a little bit of fear and also concern. "Enjolras..." He said, his eyed beginning to fill up with tears. He took a breath and calmed himself as much as he could. He then began speaking once again. "Enjolras, this is probably something really random and totally bad, but we are about to start a revolution so I think now is a good time to bring it up. I have had these feelings for a while, and I think I love you. I have tried to ignore them, believe me, I have. I have slept with the prettiest women in Paris and I still can't get rid of my feelings for you. I know it is wrong and if we were caught unspeakable things will happen to us, but I just wanted you to know that before we fight..." Grantaire started sobbing. Enjolras was overwhelmed. This was the last thing he had expected Grantaire to say, and he felt awful to have to break his heart.

"Grantaire, I am flattered that you feel that way about me, but I think you are a little confused and overwhelmed and I don't think that now is the best time to talk about it because you have built yourself up to this for a long time obviously and the nerves are getting to you. I need some time to think about this, if that is okay with you? It's a lot to take in and give an answer to now, but I assure you that even if we don't end up that way nothing will change between us, okay? You are still a good friend to me. Don't forget that."

Enjolras gave him a reassuring hug and left the room to get some bedding for him. He honestly didn't know what to do. He told everyone that France was his only love, but he knew that that wasn't true. But could he trust Grantaire with the real reason why he doesn't get romantically involved with other people?


	2. Chapter 2

A short update for you guys. I'm sorry it is short, but I feel like I work better writing lots of short chapters than a few long chapters.

* * *

 _Enjolras gave him a reassuring hug and left the room to get some bedding for him. He honestly didn't know what to do. He told everyone that France was his only love, but he knew that that wasn't true. But could he trust Grantaire with the real reason why he doesn't get romantically involved with other people?_

* * *

Enjolras woke up before dawn. He sat up when he awoke. When he turned to look at the bed, he still saw a Grantaire sleeping; not that it surprised him. His friend usually slept in until noon.

He stood up and tidied up the makeshift bed he slept in last night. He then picked up the pile of his clothes and walked to the bathroom. He borrowed some sleeping garments from Grantaire – he was sure he wouldn't mind since he didn't have time to go home and collect any overnight things. He then locked the door.

After getting redressed, he washed his face and then walked out of the room to wake up Grantaire. The revolution will start today and he wanted to make sure that things between him and Grantaire were cool before they fought for freedom. It wouldn't be very nice if they both died and their friendship ended on an awkward note.

He made breakfast and took it up on a tray to Grantaire's room. The tray was placed on the bedside table and Enjolras gentle shook Grantaire awake. "Did I sleep in?" he said as soon as he was fully conscious.

"I think we need to discuss our situation. I really don't want to die tomorrow knowing our friendship ended on an awkward note".

Grantaire ate while Enjolras explained. "I don't want you to think I am outraged by your proposal, in fact I am rather flattered and I promise I will not tell anyone about your feelings for are a good friend to me, Grantaire, and I don't want to lose you over feelings you can't help. I cannot accept your proposal however, as I just do not really do the whole relationship thing. I am married to France and dedicate my love to it. I need to focus on making this place that I love so much a better place for everyone, and I feel like being tied to someone else would distract me. I hope you understand."

Grantaire's heart sank. Atleast Enjolras doesn't hate me, he thought, it could be worse...yea I could also be dead tomorrow...

Enjolras could tell that Grantaire was upset with his response. He was too. He wished he could tell him the truth, but now wasn't the time.


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter may need some trigger warnings? I'm nott 100% sure, but if people feel like it does please tell me and I will add them :)

 _Enjolras could tell that Grantaire was upset with his response. He was too. He wished he could tell him the truth, but now wasn't the time._

* * *

Even when fighting, Enjolras was beautiful. His eyes were filled with determination to protect his country from a corrupt government and his face was completely focused on shooting the soldiers. Enjolras didn't like killing; he once told that to Grantaire, but if it was necessary he would cross that line.

It had been on Grantaire's mind the whole day what Enjolras had said to him. _"I am married to France and I dedicate my love to it."_ Was that completely true though? After all, he did seem to be flattered by Grantaire's confession, and he didn't completely hate him, so there must be some feelings between them, right.

Grantaire couldn't really focus on shooting and clumsily missed all of the targets when shooting. Enjolras noticed this. When the wave of soldiers was defeated, Enjolras took him aside. "You've been drinking again?" It was a question, but the way Enjolras said it made it seem almost like it was an accusation. Grantaire felt embarrassed; he had disappointed the man he loved, all because he was in denial that he had been rejected. Of course Enjolras wouldn't love him back. Look at the state of him. He was unwilling to give up drinking, even if it would help save his country. An Enjolras was one of the most patriotic people he had ever met, if Grantaire was unwilling to give up the one thing standing in the way of him being truly fit to fight on the barricades, then why would Enjolras actually love him?

"I'm sorry...I..."

Enjolras looked at him the way someone would look at their puppy when it had spoiled their carpet. Despite them both being a similar height, Grantaire felt smaller with the dominant stance that Enjolras was currently taking on. "Just keep away from the fighting. You're more of a danger to your self than to the soldiers out there." Enjolras left without saying another word to Grantaire. Grantaire kept on walking backwards until he hit a wall and then he slid down it until he was on the floor. He could feel the tears flowing out of his eyes; they followed Enjolras until the door closed and he left the room.

That was when the sobbing started.

He had never felt more ashamed in his life. Enjolras didn't want him; no one wanted him. He would be alone forever and it was all because he was a coward. He couldn't stand to feel his emotions so he drank his life away to escape from reality. The alcohol made him feel good, made it seem like life was worth living. But is consumed his mind, soon he could not live without it, and he suddenly found it hard to not have alcohol in his system.

Bottles of wine were in a casket next to him, beckoning him to open it and drink away his sorrows. He stared at it with burning angry eyes. If he was to ever win Enjolras' heart, he must first give up his unhealthy addiction. He picked up a bottle and threw it against a wall and watched it shatter like his heart did when Enjolras turned him down. He threw another. And another. When there were all broken he picked up the fragments of glass and threw them at the wall.

"YOU'RE PATHETIC. I DON'T NEED YOU. I DON'T CARE HOW LONG IT TAKES I WILL STOP DEPENDING ON YOU"

A concerned Jehan Prouvaire stumbled into the room and was shocked to see Grantaire in such a state.

"Come on R, you're hurt, Joly will need to take a look at you."

Prouvaire half dragged, half carried Grantaire to the little medical hut that Joly had set up. He wasn't fully equipped to deal with huge injuries- he wasn't even a doctor- but it could probably handle the cuts that Grantaire had on his hands and arms from throwing the broken glass around.

Prouvaire sat Grantaire down and talked to Joly. He couldn't make out the conversation between the two because he was too busy thinking. About him. About Enjolras. About his addiction...

The conversation didn't last too long anyway. It was cut off by a loud gunshot and the shouts of the other men at the barricade. Prouvaire ran out of the room; Grantaire was tempted to run with him to see what the commotion was, but Joly forced him to stay sat down and started taking care of the cuts on his body. Suddenly the sound of footsteps was outside again, accompanied by more shouts and more gunshots.

A pale Prouvaire stumbled in and heald the door open. In came Comberfere and Couferac carrying a body. A body wearing a red waistcoat and with blonde hair.

"Enjolras?" Grantaire immediately left the world of his thoughts and jumped to his feet. "ENJOLRAS!"

Prouvaire held Grantaire back whilst Comberfere and Couferac laid Enjolras down and Joly was beginning to examine his injuries. Grantaire saw that his shirt was beginning to stain red and fought against Prouvaire.

"Theres nothing you can do R, I'm sorry. You're only making yourself ill!"

Grantaire eventually stopped fighting and sobbed into Prouvaire's shoulder. "It's all my fault, Jehan. I did this to him. I'm sorry. ENJOLRAS, I'M SORRY!"


End file.
